Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
