upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
