I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
