if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
