wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Damn victory sex feels great
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
