$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just gift wrapped bread.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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