i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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