If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
