Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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