Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
