you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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