Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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