I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
