at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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