Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
