Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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