Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
