Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
