so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i barfeds in our rink
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They took my balls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
