Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
