you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
