My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
