I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
