They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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