my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
