I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
