the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
