saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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