a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is it fun? or sober?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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