I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
