Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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