my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
