Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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