The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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