I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
