Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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