There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
