My liver just broke up with me...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if only i could text you this smell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
