the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
