But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
