you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
