1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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