so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
