There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
