last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
