sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
