I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
