Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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