ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
