i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
